I miss them..

In truth, friends
I am confused, depressed, and heartbroken.

I feel like I have been very depressed for a long time, since I was young.
Behind all these jokes and smiles, I feel such a drastic disconnect from the world, even my best friends.
I’m not really good at this kind of thing, and I don’t think I really identify with any of you on here..

I’ve been grappling with this helpless, alien feeling for about as long as I can remember
like I’m just floating in space, and everything is just quiet.

I feel like I’ve lost the only person I’ve felt a sincere, genuine bond with.
Someone I absolutely adore is gone, and they just don’t care to make any of it right.
So, I’m just floating here again, like misplaced debris.
Forced to look away.  I don’t want to lose them, but this is so far out of my hands, even if I want to put all this nastiness behind us.

I was so close too, finally, in a few months time I could have been out there, in a place I felt ideal for me, at home finally..
Doing all the things I promised we’d do.

I’m just sitting here looking at these trinkets that mean probably nothing I thought they did,
thinking about the words, “I love you, I want to work through this.” and “I forgot how much I missed sleeping beside you”
and I’m just confused.  Did it all mean nothing?
What was real and what was their issues?

Did the past months mean nothing?

I feel like maybe I can post this here because with how little they tell me they care anymore, I am almost certain this page would be the last place they’re at.

I don’t know if I deserve this or not, I’ve been such a monster to people before.
I just wish for once to be surprised, but I guess I’m not as lucky as I thought.

I feel unfixable, unwanted and broken.

The wind cannot hear.

The wind cannot hear.





1) your name: Billy!

2) your url: lahamu.tumblr.com

3) your blog title: Who are you get out of my house

4) favourite colour/s: Slate, gray, black, lavender.

5) your crush: Currently involved with~

6) write in all caps: WELCOME TO THE HORSE PARADE.

7) favourite bands/artists: Blu, Erik Satie, Dir en Grey, Opus III, Kagerou, Nujabes, Tub Ring, Gackto AKA Jeff the Chef, White Zombie.

8) favourite number: 12

9) favourite drink: Whiskey, Midori, and Vodka.

10) tag 10 people: - oshirinohana - elkypoo - tamagoat - geoffthehero - advy - mdwaxx - androidmachina - kawk - adultoperateddragon - pigeon-hearted


This is exactly why we have this technology


If you want to be friends with me you don’t have to be “Hi, um, can, ya know, we be friends?”

It is 1000000000000000000000% percent ok if you just go into my inbox can go. “Man, I am so fucking pissed off at fucking Larry.” And I’ll most likely respond with, “Oh shit! What did Larry do now?”