I miss them..

In truth, friends
I am confused, depressed, and heartbroken.

I feel like I have been very depressed for a long time, since I was young.
Behind all these jokes and smiles, I feel such a drastic disconnect from the world, even my best friends.
I’m not really good at this kind of thing, and I don’t think I really identify with any of you on here..

I’ve been grappling with this helpless, alien feeling for about as long as I can remember
like I’m just floating in space, and everything is just quiet.

I feel like I’ve lost the only person I’ve felt a sincere, genuine bond with.
Someone I absolutely adore is gone, and they just don’t care to make any of it right.
So, I’m just floating here again, like misplaced debris.
Forced to look away.  I don’t want to lose them, but this is so far out of my hands, even if I want to put all this nastiness behind us.

I was so close too, finally, in a few months time I could have been out there, in a place I felt ideal for me, at home finally..
Doing all the things I promised we’d do.

I’m just sitting here looking at these trinkets that mean probably nothing I thought they did,
thinking about the words, “I love you, I want to work through this.” and “I forgot how much I missed sleeping beside you”
and I’m just confused.  Did it all mean nothing?
What was real and what was their issues?

Did the past months mean nothing?

I feel like maybe I can post this here because with how little they tell me they care anymore, I am almost certain this page would be the last place they’re at.

I don’t know if I deserve this or not, I’ve been such a monster to people before.
I just wish for once to be surprised, but I guess I’m not as lucky as I thought.

I feel unfixable, unwanted and broken.

The wind cannot hear.

The wind cannot hear.

chillpapi:

寒さ

chillpapi:

寒さ

1) your name: Billy!

2) your url: lahamu.tumblr.com

3) your blog title: Who are you get out of my house

4) favourite colour/s: Slate, gray, black, lavender.

5) your crush: Currently involved with~

6) write in all caps: WELCOME TO THE HORSE PARADE.

7) favourite bands/artists: Blu, Erik Satie, Dir en Grey, Opus III, Kagerou, Nujabes, Tub Ring, Gackto AKA Jeff the Chef, White Zombie.

8) favourite number: 12

9) favourite drink: Whiskey, Midori, and Vodka.

10) tag 10 people: - oshirinohana - elkypoo - tamagoat - geoffthehero - advy - mdwaxx - androidmachina - kawk - adultoperateddragon - pigeon-hearted

master-bruce-wayne:

This is exactly why we have this technology

mebemrcupcakes:

If you want to be friends with me you don’t have to be “Hi, um, can, ya know, we be friends?”

It is 1000000000000000000000% percent ok if you just go into my inbox can go. “Man, I am so fucking pissed off at fucking Larry.” And I’ll most likely respond with, “Oh shit! What did Larry do now?”